5. Surgery & The Days After: What It Really Felt Like

Just before everything changed

The Day It Became Real

There’s a point where all the thinking, deciding, and preparing stops.

And you just have to walk into it.

In the lead up to surgery, everything felt organised.

All the plans were in place. Questions had been asked, and answered. I felt as ready as I could be.

Surgery day is when it all became real. The morning of surgery felt different. 

Quieter. 

Not dramatic. Not overwhelming. Just a very clear awareness of what was about to happen. There’s something about handing over control, even when you feel it’s the right decision. 

You trust the process.

You trust the people.

It’s a moment I needed to move through - not around. 

I hadn’t told very many people about the surgery. I didn’t want people to worry, and I didn’t want people to fuss. 

Letting Go (Even Just for a While)

Walking into surgery wasn’t about bravery in the way I might have once defined it. It wasn’t pushing through, or ignoring how I felt. It was more about acceptance.

This is happening. This is the next step. This is part of moving forward. And in that, there was a kind of calm. 

When it became real.

Waking Up

Coming out the other side felt… slower than I expected.

Not in a negative way — just different.

More aware of my body. More aware of limitations. More aware that things had changed, even if only temporarily.

There’s a moment where you realise:

You’re no longer preparing. You’re now recovering. The First Few Days

It wasn’t dramatic, but it was real. 

It’s been:

• Slower mornings (slower everything)

• Needing more rest than I’m used to

• Being mindful of movement

• Letting my body lead, rather than my plan.
  

And that’s been an adjustment.

Because I’m used to doing. Pushing. Progressing.

And this phase asks something different.

The Mental Side I Didn’t Expect

What surprised me most wasn’t the physical side — it was the mental shift.

There’s a quiet frustration that comes with not being able to just get up and train.

Not because I need to prove anything — but because training is part of how I feel like myself.

It gives me structure. Momentum. A sense of capability.

And for now, that looks different.

More limited. More considered. More patient.

Redefining Progress (Again)

Right now, progress isn’t measured in sessions or performance.

It’s measured in:

• Resting when I need to

• Moving carefully

• Letting healing happen properly.
  

And trusting that taking this time now is what allows everything else to come back stronger later.

What I’m Learning

If this whole experience has shown me anything so far, it’s this:

You can prepare as much as possible. You can make the right decisions. You can go in with the best mindset.

But there’s still a part of it you just have to experience for yourself.

And that part doesn’t need to be rushed.

Where I Am Now

Right now, I’m in recovery.

Not fully back. Not fully myself in the way I’m used to.

But moving forward — just more slowly, and more intentionally.

And that feels like enough. It has to be enough.

If you’re heading into something similar, or coming out the other side of your own version of this — just know:

It’s okay for it to feel different than you expected.

And it’s okay to take your time finding your way back.