4. Preparing for Surgery: What I Can Control Right Now

Once the decision was made to go ahead with surgery, I thought I would feel settled.

Clear. Certain. Ready.

And in some ways, I did.

But what I didn’t expect was how quickly things would move from there.

When “At Some Point” Becomes “As Soon As Possible”

In my mind, surgery was something that would happen… eventually.

Something I would have time to plan around. To mentally prepare for. To fit into life in a way that felt manageable.

But after speaking with the surgeon, that shifted. The recommendation was to move forward sooner rather than later — to deal with it now, rather than continue waiting. And while that made complete sense, it also changed the pace of everything.

Suddenly it wasn’t “sometime down the track.”

It was now.

The Questions Start Coming

Once that timeline became real, so did all the questions.

What do I need to do to prepare?

What will recovery actually look like?

How long before I can return to normal life?

To training?

To feeling like myself again?

What will the financial strain be?

Some of those questions have answers.

Some don’t — at least not yet.

And I’ve realised that part of this stage is learning to sit with both.

What I Can Control

There’s still a lot that feels uncertain. But there are also things I can control.

I can prepare my environment. I can organise support. I can ask the questions I need to ask. I can go into this feeling as informed and steady as possible.

And that’s where my focus has shifted.

Not on trying to predict every outcome — but on putting myself in the best possible position for whatever comes next.

Telling the Kids

One of the parts I thought most about was how to talk to the kids about it.

What to say.

How much to say.

How to be honest without making it feel overwhelming.

There’s no perfect script for that. But I knew I wanted them to feel safe. To understand that something was happening — but also that there was a plan.

And, like most things, it was harder in my head than it was in reality.

They took it in their own way. Asked their questions. And then, in that way children do, returned to normal.

Grounded. Present. Uncomplicated.

It reminded me that not everything needs to carry the weight we put on it.

The Part I’m Still Sitting With

If I’m honest, one of the things I keep coming back to is training.

Not the event itself — but what training represents for me.

Routine.

Structure.

Progress.

A way of feeling strong and capable in my body.

And right now, I don’t fully know what that will look like on the other side of surgery.

How long it will take? What it will feel like to start again? What I might need to adjust.

That uncertainty sits there.

Not loudly — but consistently.

Strength, In a Different Form

This stage doesn’t feel like pushing. It feels like preparing. Putting things in place. Letting go of what I can’t control. Holding onto what I can.

And trusting that I’ll figure out the rest as I go.

Where I Am Now

Right now, I’m in that space just before.

Things are organised. Plans are forming .Questions are still being answered.

It’s not calm exactly — but it’s not chaotic either.

It’s steady.

And for now, that’s enough.

If there’s one thing I’m learning through this part of the process, it’s this:

Control doesn’t come from knowing everything.

It comes from preparing for what you can — and meeting the rest when it arrives.